The cost of Nerdiness


Recently I was speaking to a friend of mine about houses, boring talk. About mortgages and equity and principle. All things that I mix up and I don’t have the brains to figure out today. But we got on the subject of dream houses, (architecture is far cooler than equity, let’s be honest). The friend confided that he always wanted a hobbit house. (is hobbit capitalized? The word human isn’t so I’m going to say no.) After telling me this he said “Sorry, I’m a nerd I like that sort of nerdy stuff. Dungeons and dragons and war games and LOTR. and stuff.”

I told him he had nothing to worry about, but it got me thinking.

I have another friend who does this frequently as well. My friend can be energetic to say the least. But she’s hilarious. A little spazzy at times, but great. I’m so low-key sometimes I don’t register. I suspect that it’s all waiting inside me to bubble over someday, because that sounds far cooler than the idea that I’m just a bit boring. But I digress. My friend will bust into a rant about something, it doesn’t really matter what. She is so excited about what she’s talking about, her hands all over the place, her words blending together. And I love it. It’s a vitality that she brings to all conversations. It’s not a vitality I can bring. But at the end she’ll say, “Sorry, I’m a dork.”

No. This will not stand. Some of my favorite things in the world are nerd things. The idea of a nerd, or dork interests to me, means that you are passionate about the world around you, that these fervent interests have a place in your life. And I think that is wonderful.

It’s no surprise to anyone at all my love for reading. If I could read all day I would. I read everything in front of me. I have three reading applications on my phone. I have physically worn out the scan strip on my library card. I have an entire pinterest board dedicated to quotes about reading and books. (As of now I have over 100 quotes.) I love reading. And that absolutely makes me a nerd. But I love that about myself. I love the energy I feel when I’m in the middle of a great book, I love talking about books with people. I love dissecting characters, the symbolism of a white dress or the motivation behind a betrayal. I love following my favorite writers and hearing their opinions about everything. To me, they are my celebrities. I’d rather hear about Anne Rice’s thoughts on what is going on in women’s reproductive rights than what Kim Kardashian’s baby shower looked like. Sherman’s Alexie on his book being banned in school to what Taylor Swift and her new boyfriend ate at The Ivy.

Don’t misunderstand me, there’s nothing wrong with having these interests. We should embrace the very things that keep us whole. We should never apologize for loving something. I love reading because of the impact that it has on me. But your interests can be anything.

I feel like I should disclaimer this with the fact that while I have read some classics, I have read some intellectual books, that doesn’t mean that’s what I read. I started blogging to talk about Twilight. I read YA, like it’s going to be burned. I devour sappy romance novels in one sitting. Most of my reading is fluff. But I love it. If you looked at my Goodreads you’d find mostly fanciful books. There isn’t much that is thought provoking. but I love it. and I will continue to love it. I refuse to apologize for what I love and neither should you.

There is a great John Green quote about nerds that i want to leave with.


Words are my Religion


I started this blog originally (on blogger) to be a Twilight blog. I thought that I would end up like UC and Moon from LTT. It turns out the kind of dedication it takes to keep up a blog like that is far more than I am capable of. So i began to write about other things. Still no one really read it. Which is fine. I suppose I can look at this endeavor as a diary. Isn’t that what it should be, anyway? A place to channel our angst and bliss? I know I have spent many hours pouring over posts about infertility, at times a place like this has saved me.

I am an aspiring writer. It wasn’t until I was 15 that a snaggled toothed boyfriend (on our one week anniversary, no less) told me that most people who write will never be famous for it. I had never before considered that i would not be a success. After all writing is my balm, words are my salvation whether it is writing or reading. I can’t count the times I was feeling low and the only thing that helped was a good book. More then God, I believe in the power of the written word. It has been a while since I have written anything. I haven’t updated my fan-fiction in almost a year. But I have it inside of me. Maybe I am inspired by my friend Missy and her honest post about the story inside her. Maybe soon I’ll start back up again.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

Breaking Down and Breaking Up Before Breaking Dawn


This post is brought to you by Paul Simon.


I have reached a sad but necessary conclusion recently. After years of being completely faithful in my love, I have to end it today. Yes, Twilight I am breaking up with Twilight. I’m not saying that I won’t have an occasional tryst on those long lonely nights. I may come crawling back to it around November. But for now I just can’t do it. This relationship has gone too far and it is no longer fun.

As much as I love Twilight it needs to end, if only to stop receiving the awful merchandise. I really didn’t need all these shirts with Rob’s face on them. I’m not fourteen and if I was it would have been JTT all the way.

These carefree days are gone.

I am tired of people telling me every twilight reference they observe.

Hey Megan, I saw vampire fangs and thought of you!”

Super for you, but I don’t need to know that you are going to Forks or if you saw a new Twilight magazine out or be asked about the next movie. I do love this saga but I am tired of people thinking that is all there is to me.

There was a point when people knew more about me than the fact that I like Twilight. I actually read quite a bit and although I love the saga, I am not all that impressed with S.M. writing. It’s easy, it’s fun, but it’s not amazing.

I started reading the books when we were trying to get pregnant. The story of a clumsy girl and her perfect vampire were a great escape. Because that is what these stories are, an escape from the real world. They are not my whole world. When your adult problems seem to overwhelm you, it can be nice to travel back to a time when your biggest worries were whether a boy liked you and wanted to hold your hand. (Cause, really there wasn’t much else in the first three books.)

You don’t have to analyze the emotions because Bella is every teenage girl. That is the appeal. And I’m not saying that I don’t still harbor a crush on Rob, because I absolutely do. It’s just that the saga as whole doesn’t hold the same spark.  So as much as I loved it once I have to say  goodbye. Please don’t try to offer me shirts or boxed candy (Fire and Ice) I will go on with my life and look back at these moments with fondness.

But I’m taking this love underground.

Robert pattinson is ruining red hair for Hollywood.


It has come to my attention that Robert Pattinson has starred in two film where he has portrayed a man who (based on the book, which with the exception of anything by Nicolas Sparks, is always best in literary form.) has red hair. True in twilight Edward has a more copper hue to it. But in water for Elephants Jacob Jankowski has true red hair. It is mention several times. As I have previously stated, I really like redheads, having married one and possibly carrying a redhead at this moment. I think Hollywood needs to give more attention to this low pain tolerance group.

This post is brought to you by Mindy Smith and Dolly Parton

I made food! I’m magical!

Thumb head

The many faces of Alan Rickman

7 reasons

The Composer

I now have Bad Romance stuck in my head.


It has been simply eons since I really did a twilight post.

I don’t really have a lot to say about this. If you haven’t seen the Hillywood Show, you need to boogy over to their website and check it out. I have a huge girl crush on Hilli Hindi and think that Kyle (I think that’s his name, I get distracted on his abs.) who plays Jacob is far more attractive than Alpaca Lautner.

The video’s are Twi-goodness and Katy Perry/Pink/Lady Gaga awesomeness with hilarity and a dash of better acting than K-Stew can pull off.

Swear to baby Jesus.

Go see the other videos

I went to Forks and all I got was an annoyed husband


This post is brought by a photo show that I made with a shitty copy of Coconut Records-West Coast. 


The Husband and I went to Kalaloch this weekend and celebrated out third wedding anniversary. We spent a lot of time on the beach; chasing birds, taking pictures of our shadows and antagonizing a large crab. At some point I bent down to pick up a clear rock and got a handful of jellyfish which freaked me out, but Rusty made me feel better by peeing in the ocean and possibly flashing Japan. Or is it Russia?     

We went down on the beach after dark to sit on a blanket and drink Framboise out of the bottle. A huge light from what I am only assuming is either a boat or an alien was bobbing in the west. We snuggled and laughed and he shined the flashlight at other beach dwellers in what I’m pretty sure was Killer Jellyfish in morse code. And then we looked up at the stars and I found both the little and big dipper (and consequently lost them) as well as my first real shooting star.     

shooting star wishes in the sky

I wished for more framboise


The next day, my friend said that he too is writing a book, kind of like Tolkien but with native folklore and I was excited until he said there were no werewolves. Which really sucks, but I suppose if he wants to get all philosophical he can and then he jumped on top of a fallen tree and took his shirt off and tried to act like Edward Cullen and I couldn’t find my camera but I drew this picture instead.     

Cullen impressions in Kalaloch
Pretty much how it went down

And it was awesome.  

 My BFF Cantante went to Forks and I bought killer rain boots that said ‘Forks, love at first bite’ which isn’t exactly true since Edward didn’t bite Bella until they were in Phoenix but “Forks- where Edward creeps in windows and doesn’t want to get laid, until he can give Bella a caesarean with his teeth two years later” doesn’t have the same ring, I suppose.

SmutWard may be better than Edward…


This post is brought to you by sweet, sweet love making tunes…


There was a time not so long ago when I had no idea what Twilight was. It seems like a different time for me. I was blissfully unaware that four measly books would become my complete unraveling. I fell in love with these stories fast than I have ever loved something before. I reread the books more times than I could count and saw Twilight seven times in it’s opening month alone. I get shivers when the screen opens up to the deer delicately drinking out of the stream. 

I believe this is a euphamism for innocence. I wouldn't know, it's been years...


It’s innocent, it’s sweet, it’s everything I felt when I was seventeen and felt the first pangs of love from my boyfriend. I tried to play it off as something that was just a fleeting fancy. 

But things changed about a year later. As I pursuing the internet for pictures of Rob and Kristen I stumbled upon a little known underworld of the twilight realm. Fanfiction. Have you heard of it? 

When I was a young girl a friend and I used to sneak into her father’s car and steal his thick Letters to Penthouse paperback and read them to each other in the woods, giggling over words like cock and tits. This was around the same time we would flip each other off behind our parents backs and always by covering our hands to as not to be seen. Almost fifteen years later I am just as engrossed in the smutty world as I ever was. It’s fun, it’s hot, it’s not your teenager’s Twilight… 

I started my education off the right way with The Office*; The Beautiful Bastard and Non, je ne regrette rien. Truly, I don’t regret it. 

Rip my La Perla anytime...


And then I read Wide Awake. Which, true to it’s title gave me self induced insomnia. The most important thing about this story is the fact that it could stand alone, without the twilight backing. It’s that good. The characters are rich and complex, You genuinely feel for their heart aches and cheer on their triumphs. Edward and Bella are both wounded characters who save each other in a very unusual way. Plus, AG uses the best chapter names ever. Macadamia Unicorns. Seriously, it’s brilliant and funny and sad and I wish I had thought of it first. 

Then I was introduced to the dark world of Mafia Princes and Toberlone bars in Emancipation Proclamation. We dive into the world of drugs, mobsters, human trafficking and of course first love. 

My heart would shudder in excitement when a new installment of Clipped Wings and Inked Armor would come out. I’d squeal when a notification about The Lost Boys would appear on my droid. The list goes on and on. 

Before Eclipse came out in theatres I decided to reread the third book, just in case I had forgotten any plot details, what I found was even more shocking. While I had been away from the original story I had lost my love for Edward, The real Edward that is sweet and polite and hardly ever swears. He has been replaced with an Edward who’s favorite way to show his affection is to say, ‘I Fucking Love You’ or rip of various articles of clothing or maybe beat up an unassuming Mike Newton (poor kid is always the punching bag). 

The Edward in fanfiction is the polar opposite of Twilight Edward. He is rough and swears all the time. He smokes and drinks and wears leather jackets and gets in fights with random people. He almost always has had sex with Jessica, Tanya or Lauren and in the case of many stories, all three. (sometimes at the same time.) 

And I love this Edward. I think I may love him more than I love vampire Edward, which frightens me. Is my love for Edward that shallow that it could be swayed by one measly story where a Beautiful Bastard does naughty things with a La Perla wearing Bella? How have I gone so astray? 

If you are following my thoughts you need to read these. If you haven’t already, and really? Why not, because 

 I know they rock my world and I’m pretty sure they’ll rock yours. 

Emancipation Proclaimation by Kharizzmatik 

Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003 

Edward Wallbanger 

Clipped Wings and Inked Armor by HunterHunting 

 The Submissive by Tara Sue Me 

Lost Boys  

*Breaks my heart that this story is no longer available, but I understand, I really do….