Synonyms for Blithe

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This post is brought to you by Ben Harper.

I may delete this. I may keep it. At this point my words are simply forming a cathartic scab over my obstinate thoughts. Today at work my boss asked me if I was happy. Surprised by such an obtuse question I simply mumbled, “In most aspects.”

All day long I have been mulling over this question and the implications behind it. I don’t think I have a bad attitude, it’s just that compared to a lot of the women I work with, I am not a Suzy Sunshine type. I think I’m fairly realistic and practical.

I think that happiness is a very subjective thing, (or is that objective, I get the two confused in times of stress. No, I was right the first time,  it was subjective.) There can be people who never smile who are the happiest people on earth. There are people who exude smiles and cheer who deep inside are truly miserable.

People are complex, varied and emotional beings. We are not meant to be happy in every aspect of our lives. It is as simple as that. Nothing is ever perfect and it’s not meant to be.

We will never truly value our own merriment without the hard times. Right now I am going through one of the most exiting periods of my life so far and it is paired with a crippling self doubt and awareness that I may not have any clue if my choices are for the best.

It is scary and exciting and frustrating and I wish I didn’t have such a long time between my appointments with my therapist.

Why should we pretend to be happy? What is the matter with those days when all you want to do is sit in the bathtub with the shower going and have a good cry?

Are the somber days of lesser value?

Who was it that decided that happiness is the key to a better life?

The truth is, I am happy. I have a wonderful husband who takes care of me and has stood by me through everything. I have an adorable dog who smells bad and a Siamese that makes me get out of bed at two in the morning because he’s hungry. I have my laptop and a flash drive to store my thoughts and fears.

One of the best parts of my day is when I watch as my kids drift off  and their faces smooth out in slumber. The feel of their tiny hand in mine. My kids from years ago still running up to hug me.

I am happy, in most aspects.

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