Harsher punishments for parole violaters, Stan.*


This post is brought to you by my Toby Tyler and Brandi Carlisle’s rendition of Hallelujah.      

I am finally home after a long two weeks of traveling to Eastern Washington to hang out under the clouds and drink a  copious amount of touchdowns from our new friends Henry and Pat that have a double grill on the patio of their trailer in Coulee City. I met a girl who wore false eyelashes and who had a penchant for peeing on tree stumps outside.  My friend Chels (can I call you Kels?), got proposed to using a toy car and I somehow managed not to get burnt or barf on my husband. Despite getting a nasty bruise from a runaway wakeboard  the weekend was a success.      

bruises, wakeboards, liars,

Bitching Wakeboarding Bruise


I got to sleep in my own bed for one night before going over to the Seattle side for a state pageant that Toby Tyler was competing in. We became the errand girls; finding eyelashes, make up, talking to the manager of LA Fitness who looked like Robin Thicke.     

I had planned on working on my writing at some point but like all of the best plans it ended with glitter and blisters.   

Momma Mia and I spent our days running around the Southcenter Mall looking for the clear shoes with four inch heels that apparently only dancers and pageant girls wear. We were told to go to Broadway several times. I wanted to inform them that we weren’t looking for a drag queen but I bit my tongue.      

While looking for a rhinestone encrusted claw I approached a kiosk in the mall and was accosted by a ninety pound woman who pulled my hair out of my skull to  demonstrate how great her hair accessories were. Momma Mia had to pull me away while the woman was trying to turn me into a Kubuki doll.      

I got to see Toby Tyler dance, which is always heart wrenching and beautiful. Without fail I get teary eyed, I’m a big baby and a big sister. What Can I say?  

Toby won an award for her mad interview skills. She rocked that stage with all she had and I am so insanely proud of her. And yes, Toby, I am still jealous that you have cooler earrings. Some things never die I suppose.      

Pageants, siblings, love

MegnaCarta, Toby Tyler and the Andy-Mon


*Via everyone’s favorite pageant girl, Gracie Lou Freebush


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